In just over a day, I shall be sitting in a cinema waiting for The Hobbit to start playing. And me and my friends will be some of the first people in the world to watch the movie, and it will be spectacular.
And it was while watching the final Lord of the Rings movie, Return of the King, that I had a revelation. And that revelation probably wasn't that spectacular or amazing or anything like that. But it just hit me in the face like WOAH. Sir Ian McKellen is an absolutely stunning actor. And he's spent the past 50 years of his life doing exactly what he wants to and what makes him happy. It's absolutely perfect and he is an amazing human being and I am so honoured to have met him (when he was in NZ filming The Hobbit he did a stage show, I met him there).
And I want to do that. What I want to do and on my terms because it makes me happy. I want to act, I want to sing, I want learn things and travel and do all these amazing things and it makes me sad because I don't think I'll ever be able to do that, no matter how hard I try. I need to study hard, get good grades, go to university and do a degree that will get me a job that will let me survive in my life. And that's what I'm going to do with my life, and it's better if I don't waste my time thinking on stuff that won't happen. Although I'd love it to happen, and I'm willing to work as hard as I can to make it happen, it's not worth it, because I don't want to fail. I'm shit scared of fucking up. I don't want to screw up my life, and if I choose to do something like performing arts it means I have a chance to fail, and then I have nothing to fall back on. And that scares me enough to not want to do it.
And it was while watching the final Lord of the Rings movie, Return of the King, that I had a revelation. And that revelation probably wasn't that spectacular or amazing or anything like that. But it just hit me in the face like WOAH. Sir Ian McKellen is an absolutely stunning actor. And he's spent the past 50 years of his life doing exactly what he wants to and what makes him happy. It's absolutely perfect and he is an amazing human being and I am so honoured to have met him (when he was in NZ filming The Hobbit he did a stage show, I met him there).
And I want to do that. What I want to do and on my terms because it makes me happy. I want to act, I want to sing, I want learn things and travel and do all these amazing things and it makes me sad because I don't think I'll ever be able to do that, no matter how hard I try. I need to study hard, get good grades, go to university and do a degree that will get me a job that will let me survive in my life. And that's what I'm going to do with my life, and it's better if I don't waste my time thinking on stuff that won't happen. Although I'd love it to happen, and I'm willing to work as hard as I can to make it happen, it's not worth it, because I don't want to fail. I'm shit scared of fucking up. I don't want to screw up my life, and if I choose to do something like performing arts it means I have a chance to fail, and then I have nothing to fall back on. And that scares me enough to not want to do it.
No comments:
Post a Comment