I have a future.

And it's scary. But good. Since I can do what I want in that time.

This

Writing. I want to write something but I have no clue as to what to write. At all. And I know what I want to write on and it should go okay but I just want I don't know. I'm not feeling good. And I want to talk to people but I can't because I fucked things up.

There is far too much to be afraid of

Kate's list of problems.

• Zoned DVD's. I just want to watch The Hollow Crown but it's only available as a UK zoned DVD, and there's no blu-ray (same codes for UK and NZ). And all I want to do is watch it and love it forever but I can't because zoned DVD's
• My lack of a time machine. If I had a time machine, I would go to London in 1971, and watch Ian McKellen and Judi Dench in as many RSC performances as I possibly could, and then I could die happy.
• The fact that I will never be able to act. I can't act anyway, let alone as well as  Ian McKellen  Judi Dench  anyone, and it makes me kind of sad and pissed off because wouldn't it be awesome to do that sort of thing for a living, and make people cry and smile and laugh and be praised for it because I'm a huge attention seeker who wants to be told she's doing stuff well I know that, believe me  and I know that will never happen, but, just but, wouldn't that be amazing.
• My sleeping pattern. Kind of off-topic, but honestly. Sleep at 5, wake up at 10, stay up till 5, repeat. I am going to be so screwed when I go back to school. 4 hours sleep and level 3 NCEA at 15 here I come. But then, think about it. If I was sleeping at 10, I wouldn't have been able to finish Henry IV part 1 or start part 2, or finish Macbeth or that Stephen Fry documentary. 5 extra hours is a long time and I'd still be waking up at 11 anyway so point of sleeping at 10 is? And I function the best on 5 hours sleep and coffee anyway. I can manage on 4, but less than 4 and my head starts hurting and I end up drinking too much coffee and crashing oops, so stick with 5 a night Kate.
• So many books, so little time. I wanted to read Catcher in the Rye tonight, or maybe Rites of Passage or 1984, but there wasn't enough time because I was watching Macbeth. I've already read Catcher in the Rye, not Rites of Passage. But I felt in a CitR mood. 

So goes my list of problems.

I also want

The next Stephen Fry autobiography. I mean, I know it needs to be the right time to talk about personal experiences and everything, I get that. The way he writes though, how he uses language and talks and communicates is simply astounding. Which is probably why sleep came 2nd last night until 5am and I read Moab is my Washpot and The Fry Chronicles. And I absolutely loved them and the use of language and the empathy in the words and all that and perfect writing is perfect.
Anyway.

I want.

A new episode of Dr Who and a new episode of Sherlock and I want them now.

Merry Christmas

I ended up going to the midnight mass at the cathedral near my house. And it was lovely, the carols and everything was beautiful. And I'm going to sleep now. So Merry Christmas to everyone, even though it doesn't feel like Christmas at all.